Table for One - Embarrassing or Empowering?

How hard is it for you to go to a restaurant and have a meal alone? To walk in to the door, up to the hostess - she looks at you, "For one?" ... and you say, "Yes."

In that moment of 'yes', what do you feel? Do you feel lesser than the rest of the people eating around you, engaged in conversation with another at the table? Do you feel sheepish as you walk to your table alone, hoping that the hostess will not put you at a table in the middle of the room where all can see your hopeless and pathetic situation? Or do you feel confident - knowing that you are doing something in that moment that the majority of the others in the room are too afraid to do? Eat alone in a public facility. And you know what? Once you've done it once, the second time is much easier ... and soon being afraid of doing this is not an emotion I felt, and now, its rather nice to be pampered and waited upon. When you don't get it in other places in your world, at a restaurant is fine.

I remember the first time I went into a restaurant alone - ok, it was a Burger King ... but you gotta start somewhere! I graduated from Burger King to a family restaurant - like Humpty's or Denny's. However, I chose to go not during a meal rush, but during down-time. I went in with my discman, with my journal and with a book. Most of the time, I sit and write. I write about what is going on around me, or what is going on within me. I write about a story that is in me, or just about anything that is going on in my world. And I am amazed at how often I end up talking to people - because they see me writing! Waitresses or managers will come and talk to me. Sometimes another single patron will ask what I'm writing about. I often get smiles - and not the 'pathetic poor you' kind, but the 'wow, good for you!' kind.

I think the most momentous time I remember dining alone was when I went to a Moxie's. It is a bit more upscale from Denny's, and I asked to be put in a quiet corner. (The nice thing is that usually the waitress is very accommodating to help you have a good time, and for me, that includes being put someplace quiet where I can observe the room.) Well, she put me in a corner of the main room, that looked like a garden-type sun room. Except it was in the evening, so the room was filled with sparkling, twinkling lights, with a fireplace crackling (in its fakeness) on the side. There was a sense of beauty in the air, and I sat there in the softness and just drank it in. Interestingly, there were not a lot of couples in the room - there were two friends who were having a good-bye dinner as one was going overseas; there was a group of 4 friends (2 couples) going out for dinner, and there was a table celebrating something. An engagement? An anniversary? They were a family, that I remember. The meal was wonderful, the coffee was great (I love the non-stop coffee!!), and I even had dessert. I think the thing that made it one of the best memories was that it was a very 'soft' aura and that I had a blast watching the others, making up stories about them. I think I wrote a record number in my journal that day - something like 10 pages. My waitress even asked if I was a writer!! And I shared with her what I do and why I do it.

There was once - not that many years ago - when you would have never found me at a table for one. And now? No fear. In fact, I look forward to those times when I can sit, relax, open my journal, throw in the lastest Diana Krall CD, ask for another coffee refill, and enjoy my 'table for one'. And sometimes, I am joined ... and another can touch my life, if for a moment.

My table for one always has another chair waiting.

Opening Statement

I have a dream. To write a book. To create something that contributes in some way to our society. So, I look around to see what is ... what is in the world in which I live in. Where do I see a niche, a place where I can add my voice, a place where I can make my unique contribution.

And I think I have found such a place.

In the sub-culture of the singles of North America. People who are currently not married. Regardless of the reason, right now they do not have that wedding band on their finger. Regardless of what they feel about that, they do not have their name on a current active marriage contract. (Yes, this eliminates those who are seperated, but still legally married; however, once the divorce is legal, then they are included in this!)

So, I have decided as the first step, to start examining topics, posting links, seeing if I can find a way to check out theories ... dream of what this book might look like, what might be in it, and ultimately see if there is a way that I can seek others input along the way. Other single stories, other single questions, other single joys and frustrations. For, after all, if this is going to eventually become a book, it needs to meet others than just me in a place that they can connect with. It needs to resonate with more than this single person. And, if I will narrow that sub-culture target, it will be at a later time. Right now - I keep this open to address the group:

for those who are not married at this time ... a Table for One, please.

Join me for a conversation.